Several things have brought the subject of secrets to my mind lately.
I am a very good keeper of secrets. I have friends who know that if they tell me something is confidential, it is! We all need someone to whom we can say things out loud. My husband and I each share this situation with our closest friends and so we don’t ask. If we do ask, we understand if there is no answer given. This kind of secret seems pretty good to me.
My dad had some secrets. I am sure of this, but he never told me. He only told me not to look into the family history because I would find things I did not want to know. Since I have always been curious…and stubborn…I kept pressing. He told me bits and pieces along the way, but ultimately said he would tell me everything he knew when we could sit down face-to-face. We lived about 1500 miles apart at the time. Well, as you might imagine, he died shortly after this statement. So the curiosity in me continues, in spite of lengthy and tedious searching. I so wanted to fulfill the dream he did share with me of finding out who his father was. It was not the man listed in my baby book.
I loved my daddy beyond words. He was as stubborn, at least, as I am and would do anything for me. I always felt his love and support (well, except for that time he did not speak to me for almost a year!). But I digress. I wanted to know more, especially with the intimation of secrets existing, even beyond what he told me about the “hole in his heart” caused by not knowing his father.
What I found in my searching, along with the help of my brother and sister, makes for another story. However, it brings me to the subject here…secrets. He obviously held some things inside and untold. In this day and age, I am not surprised by much of anything. When doing family history, most all the people I know that are searching want to find more than names and dates. They want those stories that tell about the life and times of those they are looking for. Granted, this was my dad, but I already knew his life had not been that easy. Growing up in the depression in an area that would have been considered depressed in any era was not something he loved. But the secret…that thing that he was holding onto so closely…was not doing him any good either. I would reckon that it even made him angry and reactive to things he might have dealt with in better ways if he had ever let that secret out. This is an example of a secret that is not good.
There are things in my life that I wanted to hide for years. Now that I have been freed of those secrets, at least for the most part, I feel exactly that…more free. Maybe it is age that makes me less concerned about the reactions of others. Maybe it is simply that “the truth will set you free”.
Our secrets are actually part of who we are. Sometimes, we just enjoy what we have not shared, perhaps because it is ours and no one needs to know…it would make no difference. It is a nugget of our life and, though it may have molded us in some way, it is not for sharing. The alternative is that we may be hiding behind our own secrets.
There is blog that I follow…along with thousands of other people. It is called Post Secrets. Initially curious about the posts, I now wonder about why people do this. The blog states it is about the art. I wonder. Are we all hoping to let go of our secrets? Does it help to anonymously tell them? Are these even true? Just an interesting blog in line with the subject today.
So, I ask you…how do you feel about secrets? I would love to hear what you think!
(images on this blog are borrowed from the web and not mine)